Today I was absolutely busting for a shit all day at work and my manager kept walking behind me. It was infuriating. Finally I got to leave and I got stuck behind the god damn school traffic in front of my house for at least half an hour and things nearly went south. Luckily I made it home in time. [link]

Here I sit, my spirits drooped,/ Meant to fart, instead I pooped.

Today was the day, I knew it when I awoke and I spent the better part of the day preparing myself. I could hardly wait. When the time finally came I removed all my clothes and squatted down in front of my shrine. I pushed. gently at first but gradually ramping up the power until about 2 feet of dark, knobby turdmatter exited my winking butthole. I knelt in front of it. "You are so beautiful" I said. I picked up my malodorous creation and held it like a fragile infant. I softly kissed its sticky brown surface until my appetite could no longer be controlled. I wolfed down my massive poop like a stoned college student at a free, all-u-can-eat taco bell buffet and when I was finished there was only one thought in my mind as I licked the chocolate doodoobutter from my fingers "wow! It's much better the third time around, I cant wait until tomorrow!"

I HAVE OFTEN WONDERED HOW A GREAT SMELLING, DELICIOUS DINNER OF BEEFSTEAK, B-RED POTATOES, LIMA BEANS AND SALAD TRANSFORMS INTO A EVIL SMELLING, PUTRID, HILARIOUS KNOBBY BROWN TUBE OF NASTINESS.

Today I had the yin to yesterday's yang. The urge to visit the W.C. came on slowly over a long time, like it couldn't make up its mind. So I made up my mind, and sat down, and it is totally undecisive the whole way, and then I'm done and trying to figure out how to squeeze a bit more out and I realize my asshole is completely on fire. So I wipe and wipe, but my butthole still burns! And I think, "god what did I do?" and then I remembered like two teaspoons of habanero extract. *sigh*

If I have the time, I love taking a dump at work - at least you get paid for it! I'm not a happy bunny at the moment. I'm not constipated but I've got a bottleneck at the exit and it won't come out. I've tried several times but it just keeps accumulating there. It's uncomfortable. I can't wait to get rid of it all!

taking another shit-oh-two-eleven. this one is pretty well formed, but smelly.